I Don't do Diapers
by MunksnEttes
Summary: Nobody wants to change dirty diapers. Especially not Alvin! Brittany will have to try pretty hard to convince him, or she's on her own. Again. Oneshot. Not flames please, and R&R! Rated T for cussing. Cartoon verse!


"But Brittany!" Alvin whined from behind, following the Chipette.

"Quit complaining, Alvin. David stinks and you need to change him." She snapped, placing the baby on the changing table. "Why can't you?" Alvin asked, getting a glare from Brittany. "Because! I do it a_ll of the time!_" She shouted, throwing Alvin a diaper.

"But you know how I feel about changing diapers!" Alvin cried. Brittany just stared at him. "Alvin-what if I was gone, and one of the kids had a dirty diaper? What would you do?"

"Call Simon for help." Alvin replied. Brittany shook her head, rolling her eyes. "You're a sad man, Alvin. Sad man." She shook her head, sitting down in a rocking chair, watching him.

Alvin looked at the baby sickly. "Britt please don't make me do this." He begged, looking at the child uncomfortably. Brittany scoffed. "God, Alvin! Will it kill you to change _one _dirty diaper? Last time you ran off puking!" She shouted, making him step back.

"_That's _because looking at other people's crap makes me sick to my stomach!" Alvin hissed, throwing the clean diaper on the floor. Brittany just kept looking at him. "…You're weak, Alvin." She muttered. She then looked back up, and smiled.

Alvin looked up as well, seeing that she did and smiled back. "…I know. _Sometimes_ though." He put his hands behind his back. Brittany nodded. "Yes. That's true." She looked back at the baby.

"Now get that kid cleaned so he can go back to playing with his brother." She said, looking out the door at her other son. He waited, chewing on his blocks. Brittany looked back at Alvin and the baby, trying to make it obvious that he was slow, and that people were waiting.

Alvin sighed. He leaned down and picked the diaper back up. His stomach turned at the thought of wiping crap off someone else's ass. Like what the heck? He didn't want to do that.

Alvin shivered. He then looked back at Brittany, who was getting a little pissed.

"Please Brittany. I just ate!"

Brittany shook her head. "I don't care." She shrugged. Alvin glared at her. "You're so mean to me." He crossed his arms. "I know." She smiled.

Alvin stuck his lip out and brought out the puppy eyes. Brittany didn't buy it. She shook her head. Alvin whined, stomping his feet slightly like a kid throwing a tantrum. Brittany crossed her arms and stuck her head in the air.

Alvin's went back to the baby. He shut his eyes closed, and reached his hands out. He felt himself touch something soft. He felt the diaper and tried to open and Brittany watched, laughing at him.

Alvin didn't know what he was doing; he tried not to look, of course.

He heard Brittany giggle. "Alvin, you gotta open your eyes. All you're doing is poking him in the butt."

Alvin slowly opened his eyes, and blushed. "Oh… I knew that." He nodded his head. Brittany sunk down in the seat. "Uh huh." She said, a hint of sarcasm in her voice. "Alvin, this is taking way too long. Hurry up so I can make dinner."

Alvin turned green. "Oh god Brittany, don't even _talk _about food…"

Brittany just laughed at him. "Fine. No dinner for you. Starve to death!" She teased.

Alvin growled. "Stop that." He barked.

"Fine." She spat, crossing her arms. She looked back to him. All he did was stand there. Brittany groaned.

"Oh my gosh, Alvin!" She stomped over to him, and put her arms out. "You _take a clean diaper_, open the dirty one, and wipe the shit off! _Then_ you throw the **shit diaper **away, and put the **clean diaper** on!" She said slowly, her arms moving along as she spoke.

Alvin sighed.

He looked at the child, who waited. "Look. He's waiting. Sitting around in crap isn't very fun, Alvin. He is begging you to clean him. Look at him. All sad in his crap diaper cause' his daddy is a little girl who is afraid of some poop." She teased. Alvin just frowned. "You know what? Fine! I'll do it. Only to prove you wrong!" He snapped, going towards the changing table.

He set the clean diaper beside the baby and hesitantly open the diaper. The smell…. Just came out! Straight up his poor nose! Alvin gagged, as Brittany covered up. "Oh my god!" Alvin screamed, letting go of the diaper, and running to the other side of the room. He looked over at Brittany, tears forming in his eyes. "Brittany, I'm gonna hurl!" He screamed, turning around to face the corner.

Brittany laughed her ass off.

"You'll have to learn someday!" She pointed out.

Alvin looked like he might faint. He sighed and looked at the baby. He waited for Brittany to feel sorry for him and just do it herself, but she didn't budge. He groaned and groggily walked back to the child, looking down at him, disgusted.

"_You disgust me." _He looked down at the baby, who tried to grab his face. Alvin didn't find it cute at this moment.

His stomach flip flopped, making him hesitate more. He shut his eyes, remembering Brittany would tease if he back out again. He tried to forget about getting sick and went back to what he had to do.

He opened the diaper more, revealing the horrifying sight. He groaned, standing there in one position, holding it open. He slowly looked over to Brittany, who watched closely. "…What?" She said. Alvin just kept staring at her. He blinked, coming back to reality. "N-Nothing…" He choked.

He wished he could just make Brittany leave the house real quick and call Simon over to do this. But Simon would just end up telling Brittany. So why bother?

Alvin growled underneath his breath. Why, oh why couldn't this baby clean himself? It would save Alvin a lot more time. And his lunch.

The baby began to whine, getting Alvin's attention. Alvin sighed and leaned down to grab a wipe, hearing the baby giggle from above. He also heard Brittany gasp.

"Eww!" She shouted.

Alvin struggled to open up the wipes. He wondered about how many he should grab, but he also wondered to what Brittany was screaming about. His curiosity got the best of him, so he took one wipe and came back up "What?" Alvin raised an eyebrow. He saw her blue eyes looking at the infant. Goodness, he didn't want to look at that kid right now. And he wished he hadn't –

The baby was kicking his leg around in his own poop, squishing it around his little toes.

Alvin put his hand over his mouth. He couldn't do this anymore. That was it! He was done.

"…Brittany, changed this damn baby!"

"What? No! You!" She said back, throwing her arms up in the air.

Alvin shook his head. "No way."

Brittany groaned. "Alvin, what the heck is your problem? You poop and wipe your ass. Why can't you do his?" She grunted. Alvin scoffed. "Um, I don't squish my toes around in my poop." He said, looking back at the changing table.

"Get yourself back over there and change him! You're wasting my time!" She hissed. "Well, why are you here, anyway?" Alvin asked, still holding a wipe in his hand. "Because. I like watching you change diapers." She laughed. "I find it funny that each time you do, you go throwing up. And that has happened _18 times._" She smiled.

Alvin rolled his eyes. He walked back over there. He looked down at David, who was still playing. Alvin sighed. He took 10 extra wipes out, not wanting to get any of this on his hands. He gulped and reached out his hand to clean the child. He felt the wipe come in contact with the infant's rump, feeling all the squishiness as well. Alvin gagged.

Alvin watched his hand slowly wipe David. And he couldn't take it anymore.

He dropped the wipe, and instantly ran to the bathroom. "Where the hell are you going? You just dropped a dirty wipe on the ground!" Brittany shouted, following him.

She knocked on the door. "Alvin?" She called. She heard something splash into the toilet and Alvin gagging. She scrunched up her nose. "Are you actually puking? Oh my gosh. You actually are weak!" She said, texting Simon and the rest about Alvin. They all replied.

**Brittany:**

"_Oh my gosh, guys. Alvin was changing David's diaper and ran off throwing up again. 19__th__ time in a row! I thought he'd be over it. Lol. XD"_

"_That's just sad." –__**Simon**_

"_Oh.. Alvin was just like that when he had to pick up the dog's poop..." –__**Theodore**_

"_LOL. What will he do when you're gone? Let the kids stink up the house?" –__**Ellie**_

"_Wow…. I thought Alvin was stronger than that. To think he'd actually barf because of a dirty diaper. XD" –__**Jeanette**_

Brittany tapped on the door. "Hey Alvin! People are making fun of you." She read the messages out loud. Alvin came out of the bathroom. "Why would you tell them that?" He asked. Brittany pushed him away. "Eew, get away from me. You have puke breath." She turned around, replying to her friends and sisters. When she finished, she put her phone away and sighed.

"Since I'm clearly better than you at everything, including _changing diapers_, I will change David." She walked off, leaving Alvin alone with Alvin Jr. He crawled up onto Alvin's shoe.

"Poo poo," The baby cooed, asking his father to change him. Alvin immediately backed up, and left to his room.


End file.
